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Karen Wyness
karenwyness@gmail.com
Explore-your-journey.com
M: +44 (0) 7974105309
Skype: kar893

Oprah uses The Law of Attraction "The Secret"

So how does the law of attraction work?

• We all work with one infinite power
• The Secret is the Law of Attraction
• Whatever is going on in your mind is what you are attracting
• We are like magnets - like attract like. You become AND attract what you think
• Every thought has a frequency. Thoughts send out a magnetic energy
•  Thought = creation. If these thoughts are attached to powerful emotions (good or bad) that speeds the creationThe Secret "The Movie"

 

Discover The Work You Were Born To Do - Membership

Highly recommend Nick Williams as he is so inspiring.

FREE download - Discover The Work You Were Born To DO

This 9 part free e-course by Nick Williams is a distillation of many of the key ideas from his best selling book The Work We Were Born To Do and contains over an hour of video. You'll discover an entirely new vision for work, and its place in your life, learn the nine signposts of The Work We Were Born To Do and find out what it means to be an Inspired Entrepreneur.

Follow the link to download your FREE copy Discover The Work You Were Born To Do

8 Steps to finding what you really want.

Let’s get started

What do you really want?

This is a big question.  Most people freeze at this stage. The secret to answering this big question lies deep within you.  If you ask yourself what are the things that keep coming up, that voice, that feeling, that thing that keeps nagging you?  Take a deep breath and close your eyes and see what comes up. The clue is communication.

1.         Learn to listen to yourself

I find one common thing with all my coaching clients.  They say things like, “I have been feeling like this for a while” or “I keep having these repetitive thoughts about......” my question is then, well what do you think this means? 

This is where most people get “stuck”.  Imagine for a moment that the part of you that knows the answers in separate from you.  Are you used to being heard?  Maybe you’ve been to busy paying attention to everything else in your life and not been taking notice of your feelings.  They are bubbling away under the surface, but most people tend to push that aside and say I’ll get back to you, but rarely do.  

Win a FREE Feel The Fear And Do it Anyway® workshop

For your chance to win a one day workshop where you will learn strategies to help you overcome limiting beliefs, empower you to cope with challenges, help you to overcome fear and self doubt and to make the decisions that will improve your life!

Body and mind - sleep rythum test

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/crt/

Series ONE - Get to know you

We are all familiar with the Ancient Greek aphorism, ‘know yourself’. 

But what does it really mean?

And how much importance do you put on this deceptively simple imperative?

It may come as a surprise to discover that the quality of your relationship depends on the quality of your relationship with yourself.  The truth is we cannot be happy, honest, authentic and intimate with our partner unless we are able to be those things with ourselves.  This involves establishing our own identity and having a clear sense of our feelings and preferences and what we desire.  If we don’t know these things about ourselves, how can we hope to share them with a partner, or indeed anyone else?

We need to know how we feel and what’s important to us if we are to create successful relationships.  We also need to know and accept the different parts of ourselves and recognise that when we feel comfortable with ourselves, we are much more attractive and magnetic to others.  We literally draw them to us!

To help you on your way to understanding yourself and your relationship patterns better, take a moment to consider the following questions.  Be completely honest with yourself, as this is the first requirement for any successful relationship.

·         Can you be completely yourself and still be loved?

·         Can you be loving and yet not be responsible for your partner’s well-being?

·         Do you seek constant assurances that your partner loves you?

·         Have you ever stayed in a relationship even though you weren’t really happy?

·         Have you ever taken a partner back because you felt you couldn’t live without them / were afraid of being alone?

·         Do you hold on to past resentments from old relationships?

·         Do you think it’s possible to take care of your own needs and not be selfish? If so, how?

Spend a few minutes thinking about your answers.  Do some of them raise more questions? Is there anything that you would like to change? If so, where do you start?

When we know and accept who we are, we are much more attractive and magnetic to others.

Feel good about you

Before you begin to look at your relationships, you need to focus on your relationship with yourself.  It’s an old cliché, but you can’t hope to love or be loved by another wholeheartedly if you don’t have a positive regard for yourself.  So if your self-esteem – or lack of it- is undermining your ability to be happy in a relationship, NOW is the time to begin improving it.  Feeling good about who and what you are develops over time, the sooner you start the better.

Self-love

Through thick and thin of life’s journey the one person who is always living each experience with you is YOU.  Even if you have a committed and supportive relationship, only you can ever be 100% present in your life.  So it’s essential that you like being you and enjoy your own company.  Understanding that we cannot love another without first loving ourselves is  

the                                            key to any healthy relationship.  This concept of self-love is based on the premise that we need to love and accept ourselves unconditionally – our strengths and our weakness.  In practice, this means recognising our shortcomings and negative traits without judgement.  That doesn’t mean that we resign ourselves to those aspects of our nature that undermine and diminish us.  It simply means that we when we start from a place of acceptance, we are no longer in conflict with ourselves.  This frees up our energy and enables us to focus on ways to become happier and more fulfilled.

All of us posses positive and negative characteristics.  Self-love is about having a positive regard for ourselves, no matter what physical, intellectual or emotional attributes we have.  Whether you see yourself as gorgeous or unattractive , intelligent or average, confident or shy, begin to see yourself in a positive light.  Your strengths, weakness, talents and imperfections are all part of what makes you unique.  As you acquire a conscious acceptance of all of who you are, both positive and negative, you will begin to transform the quality of your life and your relationships.

Self-love is about:

·         Learning to be your own best friend;

·         Accepting that you are human and therefore flawed;

·         Committing to growth and becoming g the best possible you;

·         Being will to challenge yourself;

Becoming whole and embracing all of who you are

Think about all the things that you like about yourself.  This can be challenging, because we often have an inbuilt resistance to focusing on ourselves in this way and we tend to play down our attributes.  Nevertheless before you decide what it is that you would love and value in a partner, you need know who you and acknowledge what makes you special.

What I like about myself is..............

How easy was it for you do this exercise? 

Did you notice any reluctance or resistance to affirming yourself?

Loving and appreciating yourself is the foundation to a fulfilling relationship, so have another look at your list and if you’re feeling bold, say each one out loud.  Keep adding to your list.  If you run of things that you like about yourself, think about all the compliments that you’ve been given and see in you. 

Unmask your true self

As children we learn to hide our real feelings and mask our real selves in an attempt to fit in, be accepted by others and protect ourselves from possible hurt.  We adopt a persona – a false self- which beliefs the truth of who we really are.  Our persona often give other the impression that we are more confident an independent than we really are.  While this can facilitate our contact with others, when we identify too strongly with our persona we risk becoming alienated from our true nature.  When this happens we lack authenticity and feel out of synch with ourselves and the rest of the world.  We aren’t able to express our true thoughts and feelings and others don’t see us for who we really are.

When we create a false impression of ourselves we don’t know what we really want and need.  And we can’t possibly hope to create an honest relationship because we are, in effect, deceiving both ourselves and others.  So how can we connect with our true self?  In order to move beyond our persona and expose our real self, the thing we need to do is be willing to take a risk.

The power of self-awareness

If you want a relationship is which you are accepted for you true self, you need to be honest with yourself about who you are.  This can feel risky, because we are often afraid of what we might find in the process of self-discovery.  Bringing the different parts of us to light can be challenging, but the more we can integrate these facets, the more balance and whole we feel.  When we no longer need to pretend to be something we are not, we feel authentic and alive, and we have the confidence to be who we naturally are.  The paradox of individuation is that by focusing on our own development and becoming more self-aware, we create the context for a rich rewarding relationship.

Discover you values

One of the best ways to find out more about yourself is through identifying your values.  Your values shape the way you see yourself and the world.  They underpin you character and offer you valuable insight into what is really important to you.  Knowing what your values are and aligning yourself with them is essential for your well-being and integrity.  When you honour your values you are honouring what is intrinsic you, and this gives you a clear message about how you want others to treat you.

We rarely take the time to consider our values and how they define us.  When we lack this awareness it’s hard for us to be clear about what we want and need.  So how do you know what your values are? 

Well, when you feel strongly or passionately about something, this will inevitable reflect one of your values.  For example, if independence is one of your values, you will rank this very highly and you may experience anger or resentment if it feels threatened.  If you value loyalty highly you are likely to feel very aggrieved if someone behaves disloyally.  Discovering and clarifying your values will strengthen and support your sense of self and the choices that you make.  When you don’t honour your values, your aren’t able to stand for who you are.  Conversely, when you honour your values, you are being true to yourself and this gives you a sense of internal rightness.

Here is a list of words that illustrates values:

Adventure ~ Assertiveness ~ Autonomy ~ Beauty ~ Collaboration ~ Communication ~ Connection ~ Courage ~ Decisiveness ~ Dependability

Excitement ~ Fidelity ~ Freedom ~ Fun ~ Generosity ~ Growth ~ Hard working ~ Harmony ~ Honesty ~ Humour ~ Independence ~ Intimacy

Joy ~ Loyalty ~ Orderliness ~ Partnership ~ Personal space ~ Punctuality

Reflection ~ Reliability ~ Romance ~ Security ~ Success ~ Tenacity ~ Tolerance ~ Trust ~ Truthfulness

The easiest way to determine you values is to look at your own life.  For example, if you relish the times when you are on your own and see these as a chance to check in with yourself and restore your batteries, two of your values are likely to be personal space and reflection. If you love sharing your inner most being with your loved one, your values are likely to be intimacy, communication and connection.  Of course it’s possible to have all these values, in which case it’s essential you your well-being that each of them is honoured.

Think about your values and list them below.  If you can think of more than ten, add them to the list.

My values are...................

Ask the right questions?

Ask yourself what is important about each value. 

Does your life feel congruent with each of your values?

Which ones do you feel you are most in tune with?

Do you struggle to honour any of them?

Are some more important you than others?

If so, these will be your core values and reflect what is sacred to you.  Be careful not to judge yourself as you ask yourself these questions.  

You are simply checking out what really matters to you and whether your life and your relationships reflect this.  Over the coming days and weeks, see if any more of your values emerge and add them to your list.  Experiment with different ways in which you can express your values.  Notice how you feel when you align yourself with one of your values and how others respond to you.  Keep practising being congruent with our values and write down any shifts that take place.

Dare to honour your values

Honouring our values can be challenging if we are afraid of the consequences. For example, one of your values might be honesty, but if you are afraid of what might happen if you speak your mind, you might hold back from speaking your truth.  If excitement and adventure are your values and you also value security, you might jeopardise your relationship.  Ideally, all our values need to be acknowledged and integrated if we are to feel whole and authentic.

Move out of your comfort zone

Whether we do it consciously or not, we often avoid exploring and cultivating our inner lives and ignore or suppress our feelings.  One of the reasons for this is that we are often resistant to change and more interested in the status quo.  This becomes our comfort zone, even is we are not feeling good about ourselves and our relationships.  Why is that?  Often we are reluctant to experience a negative or uncomfortable feeling as we fear that is might overwhelm us or compel us to re-evaluate our lives.  For example, we might cling to our romantic illusions and prefer to fantasise about the person of our dreams rather than taking any real responsibility for creating a relationship that will emotionally fulfil us.

Even if that strategy of avoidance and self-protection works for a while, life has a way of forcing our hand, and sooner or later we are required – or compelled – to deal with what is making us unhappy.  Often it takes a crisis for us finally to acknowledge how we’re really feeling.  This is often described as a ‘wake-up call’, and it can be a very painful experience.  However, drastic measures are only required when you’ve abdicated all responsibility for you own happiness.  So is there another way to acquire greater self-awareness and begin to feel more in control of your own happiness? Indeed there is!

Spend quality time with yourself

If you think it’s selfish to too time-consuming to focus on you, think again.  The expression ‘self-centred’ has negative connotations, but it simply means that you operate from your own centre of gravity.  This gives you a core stability and a strong framework for your life, enabling you to have a more conscious relationship with the most important person in your life – you.  When you have this, everyone benefits and you have much more to give your relationship.

To live a balance life, we need to be.  We’re usually much better as ‘doing’ – focusing on what we want to achieve and getting caught up in our hurried and busy lives.  ‘Being’, on the other hand, allows us to slow down, become present and connect with how we are feeling. ‘Being’ allows us to spend time with ourselves and gives us the space to connect more deeply with our true nature, develop our intuition and what it is that is right for us.  We often need to make a conscious effort to take time out of out busy lives, slow down and focus on how and where we are.  Engaging in ‘being’ time enables you really to connect with yourself and what needs your attention.  It brings you back to yourself and what’s really important.  When you focus on ‘being’ rather than ‘doing’ you cultivate a loving relationship with yourself and nurture, honour and support your true essence.  As you begin to discover and respond to your own needs, you build the foundation for a loving, nurturing and supportive relationship with your partner.

When we can trust that we will give ourselves what we need, we can trust others to do the same.

Give yourself more pleasure

The following suggestions will help to cultivate your ‘being’ time.

Make the space for some ‘being’ time at least a couple of times a day.  And remember that ‘being’ time needs to feel pleasurable.  You can start with first thing in the morning and last thing at night, and gradually build in other times during your day.  Gradually, this becomes a habit, a positive daily practice, which increasingly strengthens uplifts and affirms you.  When we can trust that we will give ourselves what we need, we can trust others to do the same.  Savour your ‘being’ time as a way of slowing down, being in the moment and giving yourself more pleasure.  

·         Take some time every day to do what you love and makes you feel good.  Go for a walk in nature. Read. Meditate.  Write a journal. Listen to music.  Take a warm, fragrant, candlelit bath. Be creative. Be playful.  Or just simply relax. Become intimate with yourself.

·         Enjoy your own company.  Remember you are the one travelling companion that is with you throughout your life.

·         Don’t be a flat-earther by believing that there is a limit to how far you can explore the parameters of your world.  Be adventurous.

·         Find a great teacher / mentor / therapist / coach and discover more about yourself.

·         Spend time with someone who inspires and energies you.

    

When you focus on ‘being’ rather that ‘doing’, you nurture, honour and support yourself.  This lays the foundation for a loving, nurturing and supportive relationship with our partner.

Take your time 

It takes time to know ourselves, our different characteristics and personality traits.  We need a mixture of curiosity, courage and commitment to get to know and fully acknowledge all of who we are.  And we need to be willing to be in for the long haul. This may seem daunting at first, since we live in a quick-fix society and we often avoid taking the time to cultivate a relationship with ourselves.  Perversely, we are often more interested in getting to know others that ourselves.  Consider what happens when we fall in love.  We want to know everything about more about them – their thoughts, feelings, passions and aspirations even their imperfections.  Everything about them holds endless fascination and took the time to uncover everything that makes you unique?  The likelihood is that you will feel enriched and nurtured and start to savour this delicious relationship with yourself.

Become a whole person

It’s vital that we recognise, accept and integrate our various facets, as this gives us a sense of wholeness.  When we feel whole we no  longer expect a relationship to complete us.  We are already complete! This dramatically affects how we feel about ourselves and, in turn helps us attract the right relationship.  The more in touch we are about what we think and feel, the more empowered we are to create a life – and a relationship – that reflects who we are.  Becoming more self-aware and whole is a process that ultimately leads you to a much stronger and fuller sense of yourself.  When that happens, you acquire a confidence in yourself and a knowing that no matter what the challenges, you feel equal to the task.  When you feel whole your are no longer looking for another to fill the void.  You have no fear of being alone.  You know yourself and you take complete responsibility for your happiness.  And you feed capable of handling the inevitable ups and downs that occur in life and in relationships.  Being a whole person enables you to live a balanced life in which you value both ‘being’ time and ‘doing’ time – spending time alone and sharing your life with our partner.

Peek preview of the all 9 series to attracting and keeping the perfect partner

"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” - Lucille Ball 1911-1989

So HOW do we overcome our FEARS and learn to open our hearts and experience a deep and loving connection in our relationships?

What is required of us?  If you are willing to grow, and you are ready to invite more love into your life and enjoy a deeply fulfilling and intimate relationship, then will enjoy EXPLORING YOUR JOURNEY!

9 easy steps to attracting and keeping the perfect partner!

Are you struggling to make an existing relationship work?  Or are you longing for the right person to come inot your life but can't seem to attract them?

No matter where you are in your life or what your personal history is, Explore Your Journey is your inspirational guide with many tips and secrets which we will share over a series.

From establishing positive personal beliefs and expectations, right through to creating and sustaining healthy and happy relationships, you ll discover how to attract the perfect partner and feel completely fulfilled in your relationship.
 
Are you ready to explore a wise, practical and helpful guide to creating the love that you really want.  Follow us and create more love in life!

Mindfulness.....

…the capacity to be in the present moment, aware of what is happening now, and mindfulness practices, particularly meditation, can arguably help move individuals along the development ladder. Mindfulness is based on self-awareness and full presence of the sort that includes not just the mind, but also the emotions, creativity, soulfulness and spirit.

IQ vs EQ

It is now being discussed that their is a big link between our brains and our emotions...........following my articles on EQ I am delighted to see this book out.

How we learn and interesting facts

Your brain is “a 1.5 kg bolus of fat and protein, wrinkled like a cleaning sponge and with the consistency of curdled milk”. The brain is made of two fundamental parts. The limbic system, which is the older, more primitive, brain and the seat of emotion – the fight or flight centre. The cerebral cortex 

 

is the thinking area surrounding the limbic system where language, learning, memory and judgement reside. As an aside, there are also significant numbers of nerve cells, or neurons, in your heart and in your stomach which interact with your brain. If someone talks about a “good gut feeling”, it really is true!

The brain is an electro-chemical wonder. Weeks after conception, half a million neurons are produced every minute leading ultimately to about 100 billion neurons in your brain. In the first and second trimester, these neurons reach out to each other to create points of contact called synapses. These synapses, which are created at the rate of 2 million connections a second during this period of gestation, can perhaps be metaphorically seen as the pathways of connection.

Over time, some of these pathways get used regularly and turn into roads or even highways. Others, never used, grass over and disappear. At birth, for example, all children have the neural capacity to hear and pronounce all of the sounds in all languages yet they only maintain those that get properly developed while the others fade away. During the first 18 months of life, the brain is an information sponge. Stimulation creates strong synaptic connections. Non use leads to atrophy. In learning terms this is critical. Children who are not mentally stimulated at an early age will not be able to develop as well as children who do. Intelligence, which is theoretically equal at birth, is defined by how the brain is developed by one’s surrounding. If children are not played with, read to and attended to, neuroscience has shown that they will fall behind.

At age 2, the prefrontal cortex comes on line and with it comes a conception of space, language and thought. Interestingly, the last part of the “thinking” brain which develops is the part of the cortex which is responsible for social judgements, for weighing alternatives, planning for the future and for managing behaviour. This only occurs at the age of about 25.

If you had always wondered about what was going on in teenagers’ heads – their judgement really is not all that developed and there is nothing that one can do about it!  Sorry folks!

While the historical view had been that specific functions were contained in certain areas of the brain, modern research has shown that brains are much more nuanced. Functions are indeed weighted to general areas, but the brain is plastic and movement can occur. Parts of the brain can grow or shrink and even areas which are injured can have their tasks partially shifted to neighbouring zones.

So over time, your brain has developed a certain set of synapse connections

and a knowledge and behaviour repertoire. When something new comes along, you have somato-sensors 

 

in your brain which receive input from your senses of hearing, vision, touch, taste and smell. Impulses from the somato-sensors are processed in the hippocampus

 

which compares incoming information with stored knowledge. The limbic system also adds emotional signifiers to this information. If the new input is judged to be positive, the hippocampus sends a pulse of dopamine which is both pleasant and stimulates memory. It also promotes the release of acetylcholinem which increases attention. If, however, the new impulse is judged to be bad or an overload, your amygdala, part of the emotional limbic system, blocks up and creates a sense of anxiety or panic. This amygdala hijack actually draws energy away from your cognitive prefrontal cortex, causing you to think less.  While some of this may seem rather abstract, it is nonetheless fascinating when applied to learning and change which are, in effect, the same from a neuroscientific perspective. Most of the time, you are on autopilot. Driving the same way to work every day does not require thinking. Performing similar work tasks regularly is equally unstimulating.   Something really new, however, requires brain processing and this takes real energy. It is, in effect, tiring. 

Neuroscience and learning

Brain research is an emerging field. Ninety percent of brain research is less than ten years old. Almost all of the brain research which has been conducted in relation to learning and education has focused on early childhood education. That said, real lessons for adult learning are emerging. If, as noted earlier, positive inputs release dopamine and create a virtual cycle of positive feeling and memory activation, creating a happy learning environment genuinely makes a difference. More fascinating is to think about novelty. Good novelty reinforces the positive. Bad novelty which induces an amygdala hijack or boredom actually works against learning.

In designing learning interventions, there are numerous lessons here. First, think of something novel that enlivens the learning. Do something fun and unexpected and participant learning will increase. Do something which participants do not like, or find boring and you will have neurologically lost them. In a traditional classroom, this would mean that it is critical to teach new and interesting material first and not review last week’s lesson again for reinforcement. In executive education, where simulations are used, be sure to use a believable, relevant activity.

Neurons and synapses are also critical to learning. The new needs to create new synaptic paths. Walking metaphorically through the bush is simply not enough to create a new path, never mind a new highway. Repetition and reinforcement are necessary. New information needs to progress from working memory into stored memory. If something is not reinforced, it does not make this journey. If you have ever wondered why you cannot remember someone’s name when you have been introduced, it is because you have not repeated it to yourself several times and it has simply disappeared from your working memory. Through knowledge, your brain can actually grow. London cabbies, having had to learn “The Knowledge” of 25,000 streets in Central London and important ones beyond, have an enlarged rear hippocampus. Blind people have an enlarged somato-sensory cortex where spatial senses which would have been provided entirely through sight, are replaced by spatial abilities developed through hearing, sound and feeling. This process would begin in anyone who is blind-folded for more than a few hours but would disappear once the blindfold is removed.

Learning to do something differently is a far greater challenge than simply having to learn something new. You already have a developed synaptic superhighway which causes certain types of knowledge analysis and behavioural reaction. The longer one has reinforced this particular world-view, whether correct or not, the harder it is to alter. A brand new path needs to be created, cultivated and developed so that it becomes the new highway and the old one grows over. This can be accomplished through really hard work, but it is indeed hard to teach an old dog different tricks. Research has been conducted looking at

the brains of different functional roles. As will be apparent, accountants really do have different brains than marketing people do. Getting them to see eye-to-eye requires some real neurological development.

Interesting facts about this follow this link and do the questionnaire to find out more about you.

Neuroscience and change

As with learning to do something differently rather than learning to do something new, so too with change. When one speaks about change, what one is really looking for is behavioural change. Behaviour is even more deeply embedded than is cognition and is almost guaranteed to create an amygdala hijack with the related physiological discomfort. Ironically, people with more experience in a variety of settings tend to react better to change than those with a more limited experience set. Younger colleagues who have only known one reality can find change very tough.

In looking at the neuroscience of change, what one is in effect doing is throwing a hard science at the field of psychology and testing the assumptions. Many prove to be incorrect. Thinking about one’s mistakes, for instance, simply reinforces the bad experiences rather than allowing you to move on. It is much better to use positive psychology to focus on what went right rather than on what went wrong. Appreciative Inquiry events are thus a very sensible approach to large group events.

As with behaviourism, a humanistic approach is problematic as one is in effect telling people to change in a nice manner.

From the neuroscience of education, we have seen that attention and focus are necessary to create an environment in which neurological development can happen. Repetition and reinforcement, in a positive way, are critical for new behaviours to develop. We all, however, have a limited capacity to pay attention. Working memory is limited and novelty must be embedded. Shorter, regular discussions are much more useful than multi-day marathons. If longer periods of concentration are needed because of scheduling requirements, then breaking the day up with other activities actually stimulates the brain, which continues to work in the background, rather than turning the brain off.

Change must be owned. If a group is presented with the goals and how to get there, the natural neurological reaction is one of rejection. If, instead, the goals are presented and constraints are given but the path can be chosen by participants, successful outcomes are much more likely. If as a manager, you can paint a positive picture of a strived for future, and ask colleagues for help in getting there, the ideas they generate lead to positive dopamine release. Avoiding long discussions about problems is also critical. A recent study, interestingly, has used MRI scanning on people with positive and negative outlooks. It is actually possible to identify glass-half empty people through a brain scan which reveals that the more electro-chemical activity that happens on the left side rather than on the right side of the prefrontal cortex, the more positive you are. The study also showed that meditation moved activity to the left – at least for the monks who participated.

Neuroscience in the real world

Neuroscientific principles are already being actively applied in real settings. Positive psychology, visualisation, repetition and taking charge of the challenges are all key components of the US Army Center for Enhanced Performance at West Point, a centre based on cognition, neuroscience and health. It is a fascinating and emerging field which will become increasingly central to learning and change.

Neurotransmitters

The brain actually sends signals from one neuron to another by means of chemical molecules, call neurotransmitters.  

 That discovery has enabled us to put together the pieces of the puzzle of addition.  Neurotransmitters control our moods, memory, thinking and behaviour.  Each of our brain cells is a tiny but very powerful manufacturing plant that assembles these chemical molecules out of nutrients and passes them along to other neurons.  When our brains have enough of the nutrients necessary to manufacture all of the neurotransmitters we need, we're able to feel relaxed and alert, focused and free of FEAR, happy and pain-free.

 

In short, when our brains have the nutrients they need to create neurotransmitters in the necessary quantities, we're most fully alive, engaged and productive.

When we're unable to produce neurotransmitters in the necessary quantities, our moods, intellectual capacity and behaviour tend to deteriote.  We're often unable to focus, we tend to worry about things that we probably shouldn't with, we/re not "up" and alert and happy, and we have difficulty coping with pain, whether the pain is physical or emotional.

If neurotransmitters deficiencies persist over time, we’re often led to use prescription drugs, alcohol, so-called “street drugs” and other substances, including 

To substitute for our neurotransmitters shortages.  These drugs are capable of temporarily alleviating the symptoms of neurotransmitters, but continued use of these substances can, often quite quickly, result in addition, a situation in which our brains adapt and begin to rely on these neurotransmitter substitutes to keep us going.

The problem is, of course, that drugs and alcohol are enormously harmful to us in so many ways.  Rather that enabling us to function, they actually reduce our ability to perform without them.  They alter our behaviour and reduce our ability to experience the normal emotions of life.

They ultimately cause depletions or diminished effects of the very neurotransmitters which they are meant to mimic or bolster. 

Although the disciplines of medicine and psychiatry have understood neurotransmitters and how they work for quite some time, the primary use they’ve made of this information is to find a way to use prescription drugs

 

to do the job, that, prior to the biochemical revolution, could only be found through illicit drugs and legal substances such as alcohol and tobacco.  They’ve given us Ritalin to control our kids’ Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), and Ritalin works in the brain in exactly the same way as cocaine.  They’ve given us antidepressants such as Paxil and Prozac, which work in the brain to eventually shut down one of our most important neurotransmitters,, a natural brain chemical that keeps us happy and relaxed.

There are four neurotransmitters (or groups of similar ones) which are the primary interest to us as we explore how and why compulsive substances use occurs and how it can be eliminated.  They are, Endorphins and Enkephalins, two groups of structurally similar inhibitory neurotransmitters which are powerful natural pain relievers; serotonin an inhibitory neurotransmitter that exerts a soothing influence on unpleasant emotions;

Gamma-amino butyric acid (GABA), which helps alleviate anxiety and worry; catecholamine’s, a group of similar excitatory neurotransmitters which help govern our ability to pay attention and to experience excitement and pleasure in everyday activities.

When our bodies are well-nourished, and when nutrients are well supplied to our brains, we’re able to produce these important neurotransmitters in adequate amounts.

When we experience fear, anger, nervousness, anxiety or pain in response to stressful situation, our brains respond by producing greater-than-normal quantities of these substances. (They are often referred to as stress hormones) They enable us to stay alert, motivated and focused in the face of whatever has caused our distress.  However, when we’re unable to produce these neurotransmitters in adequate amounts, we often seek other ways to cope.

That’s where psychotropic substances come in.  They work by mimicking the effects of neurotransmitters.  This means that when a psychotropic substance reaches the brain, it is able to occupy receptors designed for a specific neurotransmitter, in effect fooling the brain into thinking that it is producing its natural neurotransmitter themselves.

The four key neurotransmitters I’ve mentioned are critical to understanding substance use for precisely this reason.

Are you living by your values?

What do you value most?

The only way we can ever feel happy and fulfilled in the long term is to live in accordance with our true values.  If we don’t, we’re sure to experience intense pain.  So often, people develop habitual patterns of behaviour that frustrate or could potentially destroy them:

·         Smoking

·         Drinking

·         Overeating

·         Abusing drugs

·         Attempting to control others

·         Dominating others

·         Watching hours of television and so on

What’s the REAL problem here?  These behaviours are really the result of 

·         Frustration

·         Anger

·         Emptiness 

That people feel because they don’t have a sense of fulfilment in their lives.  They are trying to distract 

themselves from those    feelings by trying to.

So are you aware of perhaps heading down this road well MIND THE GAP!

One tries to fill the gap 

with behaviours that produces a “quick fix” change of state.

This behaviour become a pattern, and people often focus on changing the behaviour itself rather than deal with the CAUSE!

They don’t just have a drinking problem; they have a values problem.  The only reason they’re drinking is to try to change their emotional state because they don’t like the way they feel moment by moment.   They don’t know what’s the most IMPORTANT to them in their lives.

The consolation is that whenever we do live by our highest standards, wherever we fulfil and meet our values, we feel immense joy.  We don’t need the excess food or drink.  We don’t need to put ourselves into a stupor, because life itself becomes so incredibly rich without these excess.  Distracting ourselves from such incredible heights would be taking sleeping pills on Christmas morning.

Guess what the challenge is!

As always we were already asleep when the essence of what would shape our lives was formed.  We were children who didn’t understand the importance of having a clear sense of our values, or adults dealing with the pressures of life, already distracted to the point where we couldn’t direct the information of our values.  I must reiterate that every decision is guided by these values, and in most cases, we didn’t set them up.

Make a list of your top ten values in life, to them in precise order of importance.  I’d be willing to bet that only one in 10,000 could do it!  But if you don’t know the answer this question how can you make any clear decision at all?

How can you make choices that you know in the long term will meet your deepenst emotional needs?

It’s hard to hit a target when you don’t know what it is!  Knowing your values is critical to being to live them.

What do you value most?

Adventurousness, Empathy, Love, Loyalty, Perceptiveness, Pleasure, Wealth, Humour, Charm, Creativity, Cleanliness, Boldness, Intelligence, Wisdom eg...