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What do you really want?
This is a big question. Most people freeze at this stage. The secret to answering this big question lies deep within you. If you ask yourself what are the things that keep coming up, that voice, that feeling, that thing that keeps nagging you? Take a deep breath and close your eyes and see what comes up. The clue is communication.
1. Learn to listen to yourself
I find one common thing with all my coaching clients. They say things like, “I have been feeling like this for a while” or “I keep having these repetitive thoughts about......” my question is then, well what do you think this means?
This is where most people get “stuck”. Imagine for a moment that the part of you that knows the answers in separate from you. Are you used to being heard? Maybe you’ve been to busy paying attention to everything else in your life and not been taking notice of your feelings. They are bubbling away under the surface, but most people tend to push that aside and say I’ll get back to you, but rarely do.
Take notice of things that may draw your attention once you start exploring what you really what.
2. Ask yourself questions
· What do I want to change about my life right now?
· What can I do today to improve my life?
· What would make me happy?
· What do I want more of?
· What do I need for me right now?
· What would I do if I were guaranteed success?
· What is best for me?
Ask yourself these questions when you are in the car, before you fall asleep, in the shower and see what happens.
3. Write it down
If you have tried this before you will know how powerful it is. Get it out your head on paper. Physically write it, try not to type it, there is something about the process of writing it down. Notice how you feel.
Remember it does not matter how long it takes for you to reach your goals, what is important is that you start with baby steps. Focus on what is possible. Write about the things you enjoy, the things you love doing, your dreams and fantasies, your passion, hobbies, interests and wishes. JUST go mad and write for 15 minutes, don’t stop, don’t worry about editing just write.
4. Search for clues
Think back about times and places you feel most at east and in the flow. What activities increased your energy levels?
Recall a time when your health was at it’s best – what was happening then?
What were you doing?
What subjects fire you up?
What can you enthuse and talk endlessly about?
Who inspires you?
What moves you?
Does your environment serve you?
Where you perform best?
When do you perform at your best?
What is good in my environment?
What do I need to change in my environment so I can get on and do what I want to do?
What do I need to get started?
What do I need to loose to get started?
5. Behaviours
What habits are holding me back? Do I hit the snooze button too many times? Am I spending too many hours watching TV?
Sometimes we need to learn new things. What learning can you do that would give you better habits? There is also the flip slip of doing course after course after course and talking yourself out of ever feeling ready.
6. Winning the lotto
When asked what people really want a lot of people come up with variations of the following themes:
· Winning the lotto
· Being successful
· An exotic holiday
· The partner of my dreams
· A bigger house
If your answer(s) match with any of the above, then a little more investigation is needed to find out what you REALLY want. It’s not saying you don’t want any or all of the above, it is asking well what in underneath that desire, and it is something you believe having the above will give you.
Here are some examples and then you can apply the same line of questioning to help you discover what you really want.
John’s answer
Q: If you had a brand new Porsche, what would it give you?
A: Something to impress people with.
Q: So, if you had something to impress people with, what would that give you?
A: I’d feel important.
Q: So, if you felt important, what would that give you?
A: I’d feel good about myself.
Q: So, if you felt good about yourself, what would that give you?
A: Confidence.
Q: So, if you felt confident, what would that give you?
A: I’d feel safe in the world.
Q: And if you felt safe in the world, what would that give you?
A: Peace.
Kathryn’s answers
Q: If you had the perfect partner, what would that give you?
A: A hassle free live
Q: If you had a hassle free live, what would that give you?
A: I’d feel really safe and secure
Q: So, if you felt really safe and secure, what would that give you?
A: Happiness
What really makes you tick?
What are your values or morals?
Do you want more freedom, creativity, love, time or happiness? We are all different and different things are important for different people, it is about what is important to you. What are your principals, there is no right or wrongs here, we are who we are!
If you are in tune with who you are then your life is in flow, things feel great and we tend to feel happier but it is when what I call working against the grain of your soul that we start to feel frustrated, bored, down, unhappy and our feelings act like a compass telling us we are “off course” which means we are not being true to who we really are. We are actually breaking our own rules. We are in the wrong place and letting ourselves down.
1. Create peace or happiness (or whatever else you wish to feel) now
Sit quietly and remember a time when you were really peaceful/happy (or whatever else you wish to feel) Recall that time now, fully experience it in your mind and body: see what you saw, feel what you felt, smell what you smelt, hear what you heard. Those feelings are yours – they do not belong to a particular time and place, you can have them whenever you want them. Recall them for a few moments, and practise recalling them until you can create the feeling at any time.
· Do you know someone who is really peaceful/happy (or whatever else you wish to feel)? Imagine you are them.
· Can you imagine being really peaceful/happy?
Act like someone who is really peaceful or happy.
· How do they look?
· How do the move?
· How do they speak?
· How do they feel?
· How do you feel if you would be that way?
2. Create visual reminders
Get pictures or words that would look and feel like the answers to the above and put them up where you can see them to remind you.
A great way of doing this is creating a Vision board with all the words and pictures, so when you feel down or despondent your vision board can remind you and keep you inspired and motivated.
Your life is happening right now. It is being created moment by moment by the choices you are making. What’s happening right now is the result of the choices you’ve made the past. Results from all your actions are inevitable, and if you don’t make the changes you want, life will make them for you. It is often in the hard times that people change their direction in life and start doing something they’ve always wanted to do. When things are rolling along ok we usually just think, talk and ponder but don’t take action. When the going gets tough we are forced to think, overcome the doubts that hold us back.
Why wait till you are forced? Why not start today? Start by LISTENING TO YOU!
Why wait till you are forced? Why not start today? Start by LISTENING TO YOU!
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